This story is a sequel to the short story “Her”.

The story:

I feel as though finally my life has calmed down. For years I ran away from my old problems and into the new ones. My days were filled with exhilaration and danger, something I thrive off of. Uncertainty has been my only constant and I like it that way.

My uncle was a conman too and after he started to include me in his plans I was hooked. I could do what I wanted do, go where I wanted go, with very little consequences. Of course, there are laws against everything I was doing, pretty much in every country I ever visited, and I have had my fair share of being chased by the police. But don’t get me wrong, that’s my favorite part. Seeing the looks on their faces when they realized I slipped from their grip again. That feeling can be very addictive.

My first scam was when I was twelve stealing a pack of cigarettes for my uncle. I know, not very original. But it got me hooked from the day one. The bigger the risk got the bigger the reward. Day by day my addiction to it grew bigger and suddenly there was no turning back. For fifteen years there was nothing else that made me feel like scamming people did and I had no reason to stop.

That’s when I met Kailee. A gorgeous woman in Chicago. I have travelled around the world, met people from at least twenty countries but no one has come close to her. I never was able to pinpoint what it was exactly but something about her made me lose my breath. Every time I looked at her my heart skipped a beat.

The first day I met her I charged into the laundry she was working at. I was running away from the Twins. I have no idea how they found out I was in Chicago! I had seen them in Mexico the previous day and then all of a sudden they were there across the street from me. Anyway, I panicked and went in through the first door I could see and that happened to be the door to Kailee.

She’s a writer. Far better than she thinks she is. She has a way of reading people and she was always able to read right through me. That was very scary. I have run away from the FBI, flown a plane, escaped a burning building and nothing has been even nearly as scary as when someone sees you for who you are. I tried to keep her far away but close enough. The closer she was to the truth the closer she was to being pulled into something she didn’t want to be involved in but I couldn’t let go of her.

The first night we spent together in a hotel room in Chicago I started to fall for her in a way I knew I shouldn’t. I was delirious enough to ask her to travel to Sydney with me and she was dumb enough to say yes. I don’t know who raised her but a sensible person shouldn’t agree to travel across the world with a conman they just met.

We made it to Sydney but things quickly went south. The Twins found me. Oh, I don’t think you even know who the Twins are. They are not really twins, it’s just a nickname I gave them some years back because they look ridiculously similar to each other. The Twins are two FBI agents who have been working on my case for years. They have only gotten scary close but have never been able to catch me. I did get my confidence and self-assertiveness from my uncle but when I say they have never caught me I don’t say it meaning that I’m just that good. I think they enjoy the hunt as much as I do. I think they deliberately let me go sometimes to see what I think of to do next.

Anyways, Kailee. I’m not proud of what I did. I panicked when I saw the Twins and I just wanted to get her home. I told myself then that I was protecting her but that doesn’t feel like it justifies what I did. I bought her a plane ticket and let her wake up alone in a hotel with a note on a table saying that I was sorry but I had to go. She told me that would happen eventually, when I asked her to come with me. She told me it would end like that. Whether or not either one of us were supposed to see it coming it still sucks. I hurt her and broke my own heart in the process.

I promised her I would see her soon. In the note I left her. And I really tried. Something that comes with the job I do is that I can’t trust everybody and the people I do trust and let close can be used to get to me. That makes it hard to form genuine connections to people let alone find someone to date. But that also means that I had to go to great lengths to try and not let the Twins follow me to Chicago. The thing is I don’t really know if they know about Kailee but the safer I can take it the better.

As soon as I could, meaning ten months later, I travelled to Chicago to see her. I had no idea if she was still waiting for me or if she even thought about me at all. When I arrived in town I saw that the script she was working on while we were together had gotten on Broadway. Oh my god, that was a proud moment. She had been so critical of her writing that seeing her work being adapted into a musical made me wish I could have been able to share that experience with her. My plan was to go watch the premier of the musical that night and go surprise her afterwards but before I made it to backstage… You guessed it, the Twins. Fuck. And I was on a run again.

Now, almost two years of hiding later, I’m walking on a street in Chicago. It was a miracle that I even got here and now I’m stretching my luck to see if I get to stay a few days. I would imagine at this point Kailee will be quite annoyed with me, or just indifferent which somehow seems worse. Either way I just have to see her. Even for five minutes, just so I can explain myself to her and apologize. To be honest I have gotten pretty annoyed with myself. I haven’t been able to move on to any new plans because all I think about is her and how I should’ve done things differently and planned things better. I need to talk to her so I can have some mental space for something else other than obsessing over a girl.

During my years as a conman, I have learned a certain level of gathering information through different types of media. I say that to stress the fact that I didn’t mean to stalk on Kailee, it’s just a part of what I do. However, I have managed to find out that tonight she has agreed to attend some sort of a social get together for local artists. It’s a closed event but I don’t think it surprises anybody that I have a ticket. One of the pros of being a conman. So, now I am on my way there, just a few blocks away from her.

I have curated myself a pretty solid plan but we’ll see if I stick to it. My track record has shown that Kailee has a way of pushing me off my path. But, like I said, I happen to enjoy that.

I arrive at the venue and walk right through the door. It is a lounge bar that is most likely closed from other customers because of the event. It very much reminds me of the restaurant I took Kailee to three years ago. It has the same low lighting and moody vibe. The room is pretty much full which serves me well, it’s easier to hide in a crowd.

“Hello, there.” There is a sweet voice greeting me as soon as I walk in. “Welcome in, how are you? May I ask what name your invitation is under?”

“Ellie Samson.” That is a name I came up with for this night specifically. The event is for local artists only so I had to make sure their team wouldn’t find anything I didn’t want them to find as they did a background check on my name. I go through names pretty frequently anyways.

“Samson, okay…” the girl said while scanning the invitations list. “Ah, there you are. Here’s your pass, enjoy your night.”

The room seems pretty small but it looks like it continues behind the corner. There’s a u-shaped bar counter in the middle of the room and some tables and couches along the walls. People have gathered in small groups or pairs to talk and the conversation almost drowns out the subtle jazz music playing in the background.

I take my time circling the place making sure I look like I fit in. A few people come to talk to me asking me about which art form I work with. This stage is always fun, getting to come up with as many lies as I feel like. My sister was a painter so luckily I know quite a lot about the field.

“So, Ellie. What is something that inspires you? Like, what do you love to paint?” This guy has been talking to me for a while. I have mainly focused on scanning the people in the room, standing with my back against the wall. I’ve been here close to two hours and I start to worry that Kailee has already left. Or she didn’t come at all.

“I don’t know, Mike” I say with my focus somewhere else. “Everything. There’s something about having your eyes on something completely new and trying to find the beauty in the unknown.”

He nods like he would relate to me. “I feel that, I feel that”, he says. “It’s like with costume design, you just sort of have to dig into that unknown territory in your creativity to make something new, you know.”

“Yes.”

I guess trusting on a participator list on a Facebook event was a long shot. I went to the laundry where she worked at when we met but apparently she quit. She keeps her social media surprisingly private so I didn’t have much to go off of. So, if she doesn’t show up tonight I don’t know where to go next.

Suddenly there is a hand on my arm and, as I turn, Kailee stands right there in front of me.

“Oh my god, Sabrina?” she says.

My body tries to gasp but my lungs feel like they can’t breathe in. Kailee. It’s her.

I remember the first time I met her. She was wearing a blue shirt and her silky black hair was up in a bun. She looked very ordinary but the conversation we had caught my interest. The next night, when I took her out on a date, she looked a world apart. The ragged shirt and old jeans had changed to a red dress and high heels, a sight that made my heart flutter. Oh gosh, just thinking about that makes me weak.

Now those big blue eyes of hers are looking straight into mine and I don’t know what to do.

Maybe I shouldn’t have come here. Maybe I should have left her alone.

“Sabrina, what are you doing here?”

“Hey, Kailee.” I can’t believe I forgot how beautiful she is. As I suspected the entire plan I had in my head disappeared as soon as I laid eyes on her and I’m left standing there not knowing what to say. I look at Mike who seems very annoyed with being interrupted and I remember who I’m supposed to be. “It’s actually Ellie.”

She looks at me very confused and glances at my name tag. Her brain has always been very fast and she recovers quickly. “Oh, sorry. I’m terrible with names.” There is a very clear sarcastic undertone in her voice.

Mike moves uncomfortably and clears his throat. “Sorry, Mike”, I say with a nervous laugh. “I just, I haven’t seen Kailee in a long time. I would love to hear all about your designing process but…” I look at Kailee with a careful hope. “Would you want to get a drink? I’d love to catch up.”

“Sure.” She leads me to the bar.

I glance back at Mike but he is already talking to someone else, so I don’t waste another thought on him.

“I can’t believe you’re in town and you didn’t come and see me.” Kailee smirks but I can hear the obvious hurt in her voice.

“Well, that’s sort of what I’m doing”, I say. “Or did you think I was actually invited?”

I can see she realizes the situation and she glances at my nametag again. “Ellie?”

I shrug. “Yeah, well. I have to drop identities every once in a while.”

Once again I can’t fathom what’s going on in her head. I somehow expected her to yell at me. I wanted her to be happy to see me. But now she just seems indifferent, which was what I was afraid of.

“So, what’s your birth name?”

I laugh. Two years ago, when we met I gave her a fake name first but she figured it out in seconds. Eventually I told her my name was Sabrina but that was also a lie.

“You want to see my ID?” I ask as if I would carry the real one with me.

“No. It would just be a fake ID.”

I give a laugh. She relaxes in front of me. It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other and I bet she is just as nervous as I am.

I would love to say that the drinks take the tension out of the situation but I end up not drinking mine. I want to keep my head straight and be fully present in every moment I spend with her.

“I like your hair”, she points out.

I look up at her, surprised by the compliment. I go through hairstyles as often as I do names but now it’s back to its natural blonde color, just the cut is different. “You like it short?”

“I do actually”, she says. “It suits you.”

I smile. “Well, I’ll keep it short then.” I take a deep breath. I guess it’s time for my speech. “Look, Kailee. I really want you to know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left you like that. It had nothing to do with you, things just came up.”

“I told you it would happen.”

“I know.” The bartender moved on from us pretty quickly after serving us our drinks. Now he is chatting at the other end of the counter with a group of women who seem to enjoy the attention. “I guess I knew too that it wouldn’t end well. It doesn’t change the fact that I shouldn’t have left you like that.”

“Why didn’t you come back? You promised I’d see you again.”

“I did. I was here.”

She is clearly surprised by that. I realize now that all this time she thought I just completely moved on from her. That I promised to be back but I never came.

I slide my hand closer to hers on the counter and touch her lightly. “I would really love to have an opportunity to explain things.” I say. “Is there somewhere we could go that’s a bit more private?”

She seems to bonder her decision, keeping me in suspense. Having her look at me reminds me of our time together two years ago. Finally, she says: “Well, I guess my apartment isn’t far from here.”

My stomach twists from excitement. “And we won’t bother anyone there?”

“No.” The emphasis she puts on that word tells me she understands what I mean with the question and some kind of a weight lifts off my shoulders. I would’ve hated it if she had moved on.

The air outside has gotten quite chilly and I offer to give Kailee my coat.

“Don’t try and charm me into forgiving you”, she says wittily.

“Oh, you think I’m charming?” I sway closer to her in my step and nudge her softly. “So, my plan is working then.”

She shakes her head and turns to look the other way so I wouldn’t see her smile.

Kailee lives in a small brick building that, much like she promised, is not far from the bar. According to my knowledge a lot of the city’s art life takes place in this region so she must be happy having a place in such a central area.

We climb up the stairs to Kailee’s third floor apartment. It isn’t big. There’s a small kitchenette right next to the entryway and the rest of it is just one joined space working as her living room, bedroom and studio.

“Nice place”, I say, trying to break the silence.

“Thanks.”

On her fridge there are a few photos that I recognize. They are from the musical she wrote, Unspoken. The one which’s premier I saw. Seeing the characters again makes me smile, reminding me of a different time. A time when I was so close to seeing her.

Kailee notices me looking at the pictures. “Those are from Unspoken. It’s a Broadway show I wrote a few years ago.”

“I know, I’ve seen it”, I say. “I was at the premier.”

I turn to her to see her reaction but she doesn’t give me much. She stares at me with her mouth slightly open and brows furrowed. Finally, she lets out a deep sigh and a frustrated snarl.

“Well, you said you wanted to explain things so go ahead and explain. Like, what happened in Sydney? You promised I’d see you again but I haven’t heard from you in years and now I hear that you’ve been keeping tabs on me.”

“Okay.” I sigh. “You want to know the whole story?”

“Yes.”

She goes and sits down on her bed and I pull out a chair from underneath the kitchen island for myself. And I explain everything. Everything from why I left so suddenly to jumping from a country to country to get rid of the Twins.

Flew hours before she woke up to find my note I flew to Japan. And from there on to Siberia. But I wasn’t just travelling. While my main daily activity was to disappear, it left a lot of space for going over something I haven’t had to go through before. From a very young age I learned to be independent, to not tie any strings too tight because you never know which cords you need to cut. Until I met Kailee I have been able to live like that without too many problems. For some reason she was able to weave herself to me so tight that even I wasn’t able to untie it.

“Please trust me when I say that I really have been trying my best to come and see you. It just took me a bit longer than I thought it would. I understand if that doesn’t change anything for you.”

“No, it doesn’t”, she says thoughtfully.

So, that’s it. I did what I came here to do. She seems content with her life so I should just leave her be. I can move on now and she can go back to becoming a famous writer. The reality is that our lives can’t work together. I will most likely spend the rest of my life on a run and I don’t want to pull her into that. Maybe it’s for the best that I just settle for my part as a person who reads her texts, buys her books and goes to her plays and only knows her through her work.

“Don’t look so sad”, she says. “You’re forgetting one very central thing.”

“What’s that?”

She shakes her head slightly. “You’re not an easy person to get over, Sab.”

Such simple words but still they make me feel so much. The nervous knots in my stomach turn into butterflies and the warm flutter spreads throughout my body. I can’t help but smile. Still, it would be unreasonable for me to expect her to forgive me for everything but at least there’s hope.

“Don’t think I haven’t tried”, she says sturdily. “You know, I wasn’t exactly a fan of what happened but…” She looks at me and her appearance softens. She rolls her eyes but still she smiles. “I can’t resist you. That will most likely destroy me but I can’t help myself.”

“I’ll try my best not to let that happen. I promise.”

We look at each other and her gaze travels on me, taking notice of every little part. I lean into my seat, happy with being able to talk to her again and to be close to her again.

Finally, she opens her arms and says: “Come here.”

She doesn’t have to tell me twice and I go sit in front of her on the bed. Her hands are on my shoulders and she looks deep into my eyes like she wishes to find some answers in them. It makes me blush and to avoid her gaze I hide my face at the base of her neck.

“Don’t look at me like that”, I mumble.

“Like what?” she whispers. She has her hands on my back and brushing my hair.

I was a little nervous about physically seeing Kailee again. I was scared that the way I left and the time we’ve spent apart would have caused some friction between us. Fortunately, we’ve never really had to work on our chemistry. From the very first moment I saw her I was very intrigued by her and the feelings of affection grew over time. I was never nervous to be close to her. Physical intimacy has never been difficult for me, it’s the emotional closeness that I have problems with. I get up from my hiding place and raise my hand so I can run my knuckle along her soft cheek, the way I used to. “Like you see me.”

“I haven’t seen you in a long time. That’s a lot of looking to catch up with.”

I can’t argue with that. It calms me to see the features on her face. The features I used to familiarize myself with, under the covers in a quiet hotel room with nothing but a dim light of a streetlamp lighting the room.

The corners of her mouth pout the same way they always do as she is trying to figure something out. Her bright eyes travel across my face, taking in every inch. As they finally land on my lips.

She starts leaning in excruciatingly slowly, taking her time. I let her come to me at her own pace. Our thing has pretty much happened on my terms so it’s about time she gets to decide how fast or how far we go.

She’s only inches away from me with her hands at the back of my neck. I have mine on her hips but I try my hardest not to pull her closer, letting her lead. I feel her breath on my face before she quickly brushes her nose on mine and finally kisses me.

“I’ll kill you if you ever break my heart again”, she says in between kisses.

I give a laugh. “If it comes to that, I’ll hand you the gun.”

***

It’s the next day and I sit at the very café by the railway station where I got Kailee to meet me the day after I saw her for the first time. I end up sitting here a lot every time I’m in Chicago. It has a good central location and if you continue on from the front room behind the corner there are smaller, more private, rooms you can sit in. Each room has a big enough, easy to open, window that opens up to the back alley and the room I always sit in has a straight visual contact to the front door making it very easy for me to flee if necessary. Also, the owner of the place happens to be an associate of mine.

Kailee had planned a meeting with her writer friends this afternoon so I figured I’d come here and try to revisit the plans I had before I paused them to be able to come see her. I’ve been sitting here for an hour or so trying to come up with a way for me to travel to Russia without access to my ID equipment. Most of my burner identities already exist on the record making it hard for me to cross the border.

I’m in the middle of writing a list of supplies I would need to make a new passport when the server named Alisha, the owner’s daughter, walks in.

“Here’s the napkin you asked for”, she says and walks out the room.

Knowing exactly what that means I unfold the paper and read her message.

“The twins”, it writes. “You should run, tonight. Akber can get you what you need.”

Fuck. I have my things back in my bag in less than a minute. I take my mug and the napkin with me leaving no evidence behind. Knowing the agreement I have with Alisha’s mother I walk out through the back and leave my mug in the sink on my way out.

My uncle used to take me to a shooting range quite a lot. It wasn’t even legal for me to carry a gun at that age but following the law was never our thing anyway. It’s surprisingly fun when you’re shooting a target but I’ve never preferred using guns on the job. Clean scams are much more enjoyable than getting blood all over your hands. I do have a little Glock 17 in a safe at my apartment but I don’t remember the last time I let it air out. Now, I might have to go and get it just so I can hand it to Kailee.

I wasn’t expecting my luck to run out so soon. I don’t know what I was expecting. I mean I was hoping that for once in my life I could stop running for a week and spend it with the woman I love but no. I’m a quick learner and I can teach myself pretty much anything but I can’t learn to stop time. The only skill I could actually need. It’s crazy how I’ve always loved the fast pace and thinking on my feet, never knowing where my choices are going to take me next. Now that I have Kailee in my life I wish I could stop time and spend a night giving all of me to her without having to worry about the minutes running out.

***

Kailee looks heartbreakingly beautiful in real life but the camera seems to love her too. I’m sitting by the island in her kitchenette, reading an article they wrote about her in Chicago Magazine after Unspoken was released on stage. The photo that’s attached to the story has her posing after the premier with the lead choreographer of the play. It’s crazy to think that had things gone just a little differently I could be standing there in the background.

“Can I ask you something?” Kailee asks suddenly.

“Mhm.”

“What is your real name?”

I look up from the magazine. She looks so relaxed laying on her back on the bed, playing with my necklace. Like a cat playing with a ball of yarn. The necklace, the one she gave me two years ago in Australia, has an engraving of the Sydney Harbor on it. She had no idea what it meant to me when she gave it to me that night but it’s probably the most meaningful gift I’ve ever been given.

I look at her and see someone who I’ve already decided to trust a long time ago so I figure I might as well tell her the truth. “Sydney.”

She turns her eyes at me so quick I hear her neck crack.

“It was my mother’s name”, I continue. “She died when she was having me. I was named after her.”

She sits up on the bed keeping her eyes at me, not knowing what to say. We sit there for a while in silence. I try so hard to keep things from her just so her knowledge wouldn’t backfire on her. But I want her to know me, I want her to be close to me. She’s the first person I’ve ever told about my mother.

“It’s a beautiful name”, she says finally. “Thank you.”

I sigh in relief. I don’t know which reaction I was afraid of but somehow she manages to say the perfect thing. “For what?”

“For telling me.” She gets up from her bed and walks to me. “For letting me come to Australia with you.”

She fits herself in front of me between my legs and lays her arms on my shoulders. She’s close enough for me to grab her by the waist and wrap my legs around her, locking her there.

“Well, thank you for coming.” I let a small smile spread on my face. “Even though it takes an idiot to travel with someone they just met.”

She looks at me shocked. “I’m the idiot? You’re the one who asked me to come with you.”

“No, no. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that you’re an idiot. I would have had to travel alone if you weren’t”, I say with a wide grin on my face.

She tries to look as offended as she can through her smile as I pull her into a hug.

I feel Kailee giving in to my hug and she wraps her arms around my shoulders. I tuck her hair behind her ear so I can have my lips on her skin. “I have something for you”, I whisper. “Would you take my bag?”

She seems surprised but she reaches for my bag and hands it to me. She looks at me enthusiastically as I scatter around the pocket to find what I’m looking for. Finally, I find it and hand it to her.

“It’s a key to my apartment in London. Feel free to use it any time you want. You know, if you feel like taking a vacation or a writing break or something.”

Kailee looks at the key in her hands and feels it with her thumb. She holds it very delicately like she’s afraid it will turn into dust if she holds it rough enough. “Thank you.” Her brows furrow as she looks at me. ”Why are you giving me this now? When did you decide to give this to me?”

“You know there’s a lot I can’t tell you”, I start. “Not because I wouldn’t want to but because I can’t. And I promise you I won’t disappear anymore but I can’t always tell you where I’m going.” I press my lips on her forehead and hope what I’m about to say won’t hurt her too much. “I’ll be gone when you wake up in the morning.”

Kailee tenses beneath my touch. I wait for her to say something but she doesn’t, so again I let her take the time she needs. I debated whether I should tell her or not but in all honesty just disappearing in thin air would be easier on me not her. I can’t escape the fact that I have to go and it’s better for her to get a heads up.

Finally, she sniffles. “How long will you be gone? Can I at least call you? Do you have a phone?”

I shake my head. “I can get one but I’ll call you.”

“So, there’s no way for me to keep in contact with you? I’ll just have to wait here to hear from you?”

My voice breaks so my answer comes out as a mere whisper. “Pretty much.”

She closes her eyes and pulls in a deep breath. Her expression is once again a mystery to me. I can’t tell if she’s upset with me or just hurt about the situation in general. “Well, this sucks”, she huffs. “And I can’t come with you?”

“Not this time, no.”

She buries her face in my neck and I hold her there. I stroke her back hoping that will sooth her but really I just want to memorize how she feels. If I could, I would shove her in a suitcase and take her with me but I don’t think that would work.

“Would you promise me something?” she asks. I nod as she continues: “I don’t know if it’s fair of me to ask but still.”

“Anything.”

“Can I please be the only one? I know I don’t have the right to own you but would you please at least tell me if you meet someone else?”

I pull away from her so I can see her face. “Are you asking me to not cheat on you?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know, I don’t know if we’re dating or anything but you’re the only one for me.”

I was not expecting this. I guess I’ve never had to face this before. Only having had one-night stands or brief acquaintances I’ve never been “official” with anyone.

I take her face in my hands and make her look at me. “For me there’s only been you ever since you gave me that necklace.”

She smiles shyly. “Really?”

“Mhm.” I nod. ”Why would I need anyone else when I have you.” I glance her up and down to emphasize my point. She’s wearing a black satin nightgown like she’s trying to test my self-control.

“Don’t you ever get lonely?”

For some reason that question makes me emotional and I try to fight the tears with a smile. “I’m always lonely”, I tell her the truth.

Kailee looks at me with the saddest look I’ve ever seen on her face. She leans in to rest her forehead against mine. “Well, if I have any say in it you’ll never be lonely again.”

She moves her hands along the front of my shirt and unbuttons the top button like a question. I answer by pulling up her nightgown and pressing my fingers against her bare skin.

She gasps but I turn it into a moan when I kiss her neck and, while I’m at it, I bite her velvet skin. After my incentive she hurries on with the rest of the buttons and gets rid of my shirt. Her nightgown comes off closely after. My lips start to make their way down across her chest.

“Sabrina…” she breaths.

“Mmm?”, I mumble against her.

“I don’t know if this is a wrong time to say this…” Her voice is shaky and ragged and I don’t know if she’s nervous to say whatever she’s about to say or if it’s because of how I’m touching her right now. “So, feel free to stop me if you want.”

Oh, I get where this is going now. I stop and let the tip of my nose tickle her skin. As I breath out I hope it sends shivers through her body. She doesn’t say anything so I want to encourage her. “Do you see me stopping you?” I ask.

She pulls my head up and, through her light panting, she says: “I love you.”

I pull her hair away from her face with both hands and slide down from the stool. I swear I can taste those words on her lips as I kiss her. She doesn’t resist as I start gently pushing her towards her bed, telling me her head is in the same place with mine.

***

“You know what?” I say, still slightly out of breath. Kailee is laying by my side, resting her head on my chest. “I don’t think I said it back to you.”

Kailee is running her finger lightly up and down the skin on my arm. I always loved when she did that. “Yeah”, she says. “Why so? You wanted to test drive me first?”

I chuckle. “No. That has nothing to do with my feelings for you.” I can feel her relax a bit against me. “I love you because you are the strongest woman I’ve ever met. You’re so kind, and you’re smart. You always see the best in everything and you see the best in me, even though I don’t give you a lot to work with. You’re crazy talented and an amazing writer. You’re so beautiful, I love your smile, your laugh gives me butterflies…”

“Okay, that’s enough.” She rolls over and props herself up on her elbows. “I only see the good in you because there’s nothing else to see.”

I can’t help but think that her compliments would be a lot easier to believe if she knew more about me. “Please remember that as you get to know me better.”

She smiles softly “So, you’ve decided to let me in? You’re finally going to be open with me?”

“It’s not easy for me.” I stroke her open hair lightly, trying to tame its messiness. “You know I don’t like letting people too close. I’m trying to not get hurt.”

She reaches to kiss the tip of my nose. “I’ll be gentle with you.”

“Thanks.” I let out a giggle. “You should take care of yourself, though. I don’t think you understand what being with me could mean for you.”

“I don’t care.”

“Well you should, it’s your life.”

She looks at me contemplatively. “Why are you leaving tonight? Is someone here?”

I give a laugh. “How are you so attentive? I can try and keep things from you but you pick up on everything.”

She just shrugs her shoulders and waits for my answer.

“Yes”, I whisper. “The Twins are here again and I think it’s better for me to go. It’s not the best time for me to get caught and I don’t want them to see you.”

“Where are you going?”

I shake my head. “I have something I have to get done. I owe something to somebody.”

Kailee bites her lip looking very confused. “Okay, last question…” she says but I can’t help but laugh.

“Really? No more questions after this?”

“Well. No, I mean I just have to ask. You don’t owe them your life or anything?”

“No, just money.” I have my hand at the back of Kailee’s neck and I push her head down on my shoulder. I hope the motion seems endearing but in reality I don’t want her to see my face right now. “Or an object that’s worth a lot of money. I gamble with people’s possession not with their lives.”

“So, you’re like a morally sound thief?”

“I don’t think that difference is what saves my soul. At the end of the day, I still steal from people.”

It’s weird having to answer to somebody about my own choices. My friends and the people I work with share my view on life so they’ve never questioned my morals. Anybody who I’ve ever dated hasn’t been around enough for us to have these kinds of deep conversations. Kailee really is the first person I’ve ever opened myself up to in this way. The thing that kills me is that she is so clean and purehearted that it makes me feel like garbage compared to her.

***

The sun is still down and Kailee dozes in my arms. This would be the perfect time to use my time-stopping abilities if those existed. I love seeing Kailee cozy like this, with her hair down and her face relaxed and free from all of the wrinkles I so often cause her. I would caress the bridge of her nose if I wasn’t worried about waking her up.

I’m afraid the time has come for me to go. As quietly as I possibly can I make my way out of the bed and get dressed. She moves when I get up, changing her position, but she doesn’t wake up. I packed all of my things last night so I could get out fast. If Kailee woke up and asked for me not to go I fear I wouldn’t have enough willpower to resist her. Now I look at her trying to soke in as much of her as I can.

Finally, I decide that if I don’t leave now I never will. The last thing I do is I take a letter from my bag and lay it on her bedside table. From all the letters I’ve ever written her this is the better one. At least I have more faith in my promises this time. I don’t think I knew how much Kailee meant to me before I had to leave Chicago the last time before I had a chance to see her. So, even though the words are more or less the same the meaning behind them is vastly different.

When I walk out of the front door of Kailee’s building there is a car waiting for me. I slip in the back seat as the driver steps on the gas. The plan I have is a multilevel one but as I told Kailee there is someone who is waiting for me to deliver something to them. And the first step is to get out of the country.

***